I’m writing this blog from the doctor’s office today where I, along with my anxious middle son, Kenneth, await the news on his healing broken arm. I may be perhaps more excited to see that cast gone than Kenneth as it currently serves as a sore reminder of intensive “mommy guilt.” Let me explain.
Jim and I have been married 17 years now and neither one of us has ever surprised the other with a weekend getaway. I don’t know why…maybe because I am a planner and not very spontaneous, or maybe because he is a “fiscal conservative” which is a nice phrase for tightwad, and last minute trips are typically more expensive. Either way…most of our anniversaries have been spent right here in Lubbock, Texas.
This year was going to be different. Southwest was having an unheard of rate that took me back to my days at Tech….uhhhhmmm years ago…$25 one way. I booked us a long weekend in San Antonio—all total round trip was $123 taxes and fees included. Some “Priceline” bargaining later, and we had a couple of nights in the Hilton on the Riverwalk at a rate that would have made Dave Ramsey proud. I packed us both, woke him up early and we headed for the airport. I was being spontaneous…hadn’t even planned a single thing for the weekend at this point…living on the EDGE. J
We ran into some friends on the plane that told us they were surprised we chose the Riverwalk for our romantic destinations as this was the ONE week a year that it was drained for repair and cleaning. And, because it was so unsightly, they paid half as much for their Riverwalk Hotel as I did on Priceline. Ouch. It was all I could do not to slip into my old thoughts of “see this is what happens when I don’t do a lot of advanced type “A” planning,” but instead I smiled and resolved to enjoy the weekend regardless.
We landed and our friends asked us to join them for dinner…but understood when we politely declined hoping we needed a couple of days to ourselves. With three of our own kids, a houseful of neighbor kids, two businesses to run, a political campaign, three dogs and everything else…we needed peace. So, we checked into the hotel only to see and hear bulldozers in the Riverwalk right outside our balcony door. We had to laugh. Still determined to make the best of it, we began unpacking suitcases when the call came…
“Jim, this is Coach. Kenneth just broke his arm at the game and it is pretty bad. Several parents are taking him to the ER. I will let you know when I know more.”
Heart sunk.
Tears followed.
Mommy guilt.
Of course, my precious husband, who is after all a man, says ok and hangs up. I needed DETAILS. I needed to know who had him, what ER and I needed to hear his little voice.
So I began calling everyone frantically. No news…wait. Then parents began calling…don’t come home they said, he will be fine. You and Jim need this time. They were right. But Jim needed the wife that got on the plane with him that morning, not this crazy basketcase currently sharing our noisy bulldozer filled room.
I called Southwest…how much would it cost for us to get home and how quickly can we be there? There were only 2 seats left on the only flight returning to Lubbock that day. And if we booked right then and caught a cab quickly, we may could make it. Cost…about $500, mommy relief…priceless. Done.
Repacked our bags, went downstairs and the hotel graciously zeroed out our account as if we never checked in. We got in the cab and a friend of ours who is a doctor called and assured us it looked like surgery would be required. We were glad to be on our way home…we could join Kenneth as he got out of recovery and stay the night together as a family. We got through security, checked in and watched the area fill up…sure enough, an overbooked flight.
Then another call came in. “Cathy, this is Coach…it turns out no surgery was needed. They sedated Kenneth long enough to set the brake, he is in recovery now and will be going home within the hour. I will take care of him like he was my own…you guys stay in San Antonio and spend this time together.”
Mommy guilt…tears. Dilemma.
Kenneth started waking up and called me…under much drugs and most likely pressure from the adults, he told me to stay. Okay. I could do this. I went to the Southwest counter and told them of my dilemma. Because they had overbooked the flight, they were more than happy to have our seats back for vouchers. Things were looking up.
Then Jim had this disgusted look on his face. I was working out the details undoing of all I had don and he simply was pointing to the runway as our luggage left for Dallas. Southwest assured us they would catch it in Dallas before it got to Lubbock and return it to San Antonio if we would stay a few more hours. So, we had a nice airport sandwich for our anniversary dinner…and waited. Only they didn’t catch our bags in Dallas…they went all the way to Lubbock. Good thing bags fly free at Southwest, because otherwise this would have cost us a fortune. We went back to the hotel and checked in—exhausted, hungry and without pj’s or a toothbrush.
Turned out we didn’t get our luggage until the day we came back home. But we didn’t care. We were together. And, after 17 years of marriage, we were not mortified to see one another without hair product. We laughed a lot.
So, what is the moral of this story? Don’t know…only that as mothers, we deal with a lot of mixed emotions. We struggle with work guilt, husband guilt…but mostly mommy guilt. Will this ever change? Not likely.
Either way, I will be glad when Kenneth gets his cast off and I no longer have a daily reminder of it all. Odds on another “cheap” San Antonio anniversary trip in my future…not likely.
-Cathy
